Lump in the night


There’s only one thing worse than lumpy custard, and that’s a lumpy boob. Especially when there’s a history of breast cancer in your family.. and especially when you find the lump in said lumpy boob at 3am and it feels like the size of gobstopper. Like those ones in the 80’s. Not the sensible re-sized ones for the millennium that you can’t choke on. Im talking mahoosive gobstoppers, like they had in The Goonies. Love that film.

So that was me a few weeks ago, panicking in the middle of the night that I had in fact grown myself a massive cancer monster gobstopper in my boob. It was not a good moment. Not.

Within 24 hours I was at my GP, (a big sloppy kiss to the NHS) and then a series of boob detectives proceeded to investigate.  I had two biopsies (yep, two. They’re not much fun, are they?) an ultrasound, (was quite relieved they didn’t say “Congratulations! It’s a boy!” I’ve watched too many episodes of Casualty..) a Mamogram (squish) and an MRI.

Can we just talk about that for a second.. WHO invented this machine? For crying out loud. I was on my front, boobs squished, legs bent, paper pants, head face down in a pillow, a line in my arm, a machine that sounds like a pneumatic drill and no cake, no crisps and no music, (was on my front so the headphones wouldn’t work.)

I had to stay still for 30 minutes. Stay still? 30 minutes? These things don’t belong together in the same sentence. But that’s what had to happen so that’s what I did. So I sang (OUT LOUD) Les Mis – from the very beginning “Look down, look down..” all the way to “BEFORE YOU SAY ANOTHER WORD JAVERRRRT!!” It’s hard to sing a duet by yourself, but I did it. I was almost sad when it was over – I was looking forward to my muffled rendition of One Day More… (it would have been excellent.)

Dermot O Leary Coppafeel

Dermot’s on board with CoppaFeel

Anyway, the long and the short of it is that the main boob detective at the hospital (he has a badge and everything) is pretty confident (99% sure) my gobstopper, (which is not nearly as big as a gobstopper) is benign… but he wants to whisk it out anyway. And I don’t blame him. No one likes a lump. Not in custard and not in boobs.
So tomorrow I shall be going to hospital for a gobstopper-ectomy and I hope to be home the same day and drinking chicken soup (courtesy of my amazing mum) by sun down.

Fearne Cotton Coppafeel

Fearne Cotton Copping a Feel…

I check my boobs. Do you? I have been very lucky and fingers crossed the lump will turn out to actually be completely benign (maybe it actually is a gobstopper) and that will be that. But I wouldn’t have found it if I wasn’t regularly checking. If you have no idea how to check your boobs, the brilliant charity CoppaFeel can show you exactly how here. Dawn Porter is a big fan, (and we know how much she loves boobies) and Fern Cotton is also a huge advocate – pop over there and have a look. They’re doing brilliant work and will even ping you a reminder to check your breasts… like a Boob PA.

Catching cancer early is key – so go off and check for any lumps and bumps. Any doubt? Go and see your doc and get him/her on your team.

For now, I have a date with a general anaesthetic and some paper pants.

I will see you on the other side..



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32 thoughts on “Lump in the night

  1. I had a biopsy a few years ago but that’s as far as it went. Thinking of you, hope you’re not in too much pain afterwards xx

  2. Very best of luck. I found a lump in June and it worried me sick, thank goodness it turned out to be a cyst. Hope all goes well and thank you for highlighting this!x

  3. Good luck, Poppy. I had a mole removed earlier this year as the surgeon couldn’t tell me 100% that it was benign, so I opted to have it whipped out to be on the safe side. It turned out to be benign, and I hope your lump is ‘just one of those things’ and is benign, too xx

  4. Wishing you Good Luck! I had a biopsy 10 years ago and remember the relief of finding out it was nothing serious. Enjoy your mum fussing over you :) xx

  5. Oh Lovely, I’m sending you much love and am thinking of you. My gob stopper turned out to be one of the nasty flavoured ones…I really hope yours is vanilla! I love your attitude, keep that sense of humour, it really gets you through the ohmygodthisishappening times..big hugs for a smooth ride. xx Em

    p.s. I’ve been blogging about the amazing, the awkward and the ugly of my breast cancer journey at

    1. Thank you Em, I’m going to pop over to your blog right now – sorry it took me a couple of days. Sending you all my love x x x

  6. Poppy, lots and lots of luck!!!! Just saw your pic on Instagram and came right over here and read this. Oh my goodness, it is SO important to be aware and I think you’re brave and kind and funny to be writing about your experience so that others will “coppa feel”. I’ve got my fingers, toes and eyes crossed for you. Lou xx

  7. You’ve been through a scary time and still have a sense of humour, hope you get better soon lovely, loving the blog, and that was a super post, well done x

    1. Hello Joy, I’m feeling ok thank you – a bit tired and wobbly but not too much pain. Definitely on the road to recovery.. still eating lots of cake ;-) x x x

  8. What a scary moment for you and having to wait, luckily not too long, but still a wait, to find out. Great post all the same, highlighting the importance of regular checking. Hop it all goes well for you. x

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