Lockdown Limbo

Hi team, I hope you’re all really really well.

It’s been rather a long time since I’ve had the time to sit here and write and I’ve very much missed it.

I can’t believe how much time has passed, since Lockdown began in London. This period of time has been such a challenge, in so many ways.

However, the biggy for me (combined with not being able to see friends and family… or leave Walthamstow) has been having to continue working while also looking after and being a good mummy to Izzy, who is now two. It’s been hard. Terribly hard. And I can feel, now more than ever, how it’s taking its toll on my mind, body and mental wellbeing.

I’m quite certain that things for me will change dramatically once Izzy goes back to nursery, as I will immediately have more time. More time not just to work, but to shower, sit down, drink of cup of tea… However I’m not sure when this will happen as everything rather feels in limbo at the moment.

That sense of trying to move forward but not fully understanding why or how… and that everyone I know seems to be at different stages with their mental acceptance and understanding of the situation here in the UK. Some are whizzing about on the tube willy nilly, while others haven’t yet left their homes…

I’m taking small steps forward, while looking over my shoulder, waiting for that potential secondary lockdown to bite me on the bottom… who knows? Not me.

I know I’m not on my own with these feelings and I know that compared to many others’ situations, I am exceptionally fortunate. But I do believe that owning and accepting one’s own challenges and difficulties is important, no matter what your life situation is.

We are allowed to stamp our feet. To have a cry. And to lie awake wondering if we’re doing irreparable damage to our two year old as they haven’t played with any other children in months…

We’re all having a wobble. And I want you to know that no matter what your circumstances are or how you are feeling about any of it, you are not on your own.

Group hug?